My Barf Was Bigger Than My Bite 
 
I had a 3rd carry-on for our trip to Mexico. You’re only allowed to fly with 2, but I somehow managed to sneak a 3rd. The metal detectors didn’t detect it, neither did the airport security. That’s because it was invisible, completely unnoticeable. In fact, I didn’t notice it until several hours after we arrived in Puerto Vallarta, when I rose from my slumber and puked 7 times. Three hrs later I was in an emergency care center with an IV in my arm, delirium sweating out my pores, and a bi-lingual nurse looking at me like I was an (illegal) alien. It all made me think twice about making fun of Barry for wearing a surgeon’s mask on the flight down. My first inclination was food poisoning – I had Thai (for lunch) and sushi (for dinner) the day before. But my lunch/dinner buddy (my sister) was feeling fine. I reckon I will never know for sure what it was, but my money’s on a virus.  
 
Now, all that said, I still had a great time on the trip. The people and scenery of Puerto Vallarta are both beautiful. The KMTT staff was generous and accommodating, and all the contest winners were a blast to hang out with. And I did very much enjoy the one meal I actually retained – I think it was the crème brulee oatmeal. I’d give you more detail, but they made us promise: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.  
 
 
BIG HEAD TODD TOUR (bus)  
 
Tour bus, tour bus, tour bus. We have a tour bus. Sometimes, when I’m walking away from the bus to the hotel or venue, I glance back over my shoulder just to take in her splendor one last time. And to make sure she hasn’t transformed back into a 15 passenger van as I snap out of a tour bus fantasy. My stomach flutters when I see her, my heart beats a bit faster. What does it all mean?  
 
We met our bus in Richmond at midnight two Tuesdays ago. We had a couple issues hooking up the trailer (the crank on our hitch broke and the trailer lights were only partially working), so we got off to a late start. Our driver Larry is a nice fellow. He has 7 kids, 14 grandkids, and 2 great-grandkids. I told him he’s a prolific man. He chuckled unconvincingly.  
 
The bus has 2 televisions, both equipped with satellite tv, vcr, and dvd players. One tv is in the front lounge, the other in the back lounge. The front lounge has a stereo, 2 bench seats and a table for working/eating. There’s also a kitchenette with cabinets for food, a sink, a toaster, a microwave, and 2 refrigerators. Adjacent to the kitchenette is the bathroom. No shower, just a sink and a toilet. Rule #1: no #2.  
 
Just past the kitchenette is a door that leads into the bunk area. There are 12 bunks, 6 on each side, stacked 3 high. I have one of the very top bunks, which makes nocturnal peeing challenging. At the other end of the bunk area is another door that leads into the back lounge. There are bench seats along the 3 walls, cabinets above a counter at the back wall, and windows in each of the 2 side walls. In the corner is the tv, stereo, etc. In the other corner is Carter.  
 
Challenging bus impediments: choosing which movie to watch, finding a movie you haven’t already seen, urinating while the bus is in motion (moving target you know).  
 
Barry managed to get sick 2 days into the tour. He promptly passed it on to Terry, who inconsiderately forwarded it to our innocent bus driver Larry. The “rry” virus brings stuffiness, fits of coughing, and the tendency to repeat the declaration “I feel like [cough, cough, cough] shit.” Furthermore, it’s a stubborn and long-lived virus, as all 3 are still getting their asses kicked by it. I’m assuming the rest of us are safe. My parents tried to name me Alfred (really). Although I didn’t have feet to kick or a voice to scream, I flailed all my half-developed appendages in a womb-wide protest somewhere between 6 weeks and 2 months. Though the “ott” in my name says I’m safe, I’m taking Airborne just in case.  
 
The tour began with shows in Louisville and Nashville, both shows of our own. Both included radio stops in the afternoon, before soundcheck. We met up with Todd and his big head and his monsters in Kansas City for a sold-out show at the Beaumont Club. The Rococo is a beautiful theater in Lincoln, NE. We played a show there. Next was the Blue Note in Columbia, MO, our own show in Madison, WI, and The Pageant in St. Louis. Wednesday morning brought a 6:30 am call time for an 8 am spot on Chicago’s WGN morning news. TV is an interesting beast. We typically do several ‘teasers’ (30-45 second snippets of songs) leading up to our actual full-length spot. There’s a producer standing off camera who watches the monitor for the cues. She calls “30 seconds to air!” and we all scramble (out of the bathroom) to our positions. “10 seconds to air!” – ‘Terry, stop coughing.’ ‘Carter, you might want to blow your nose.’ “5, 4, 3, 2, 1 …” – she points to us, and we’re off: “Holiday quiet on these streets and I’ve been here since I was a boy and I’m a complex boy with a toddler toy so let your troubles roll by…Which song are we doing?” All I know is – I looked good. The Orpheum Theater in Sioux City is another gorgeous theater, though the show was the most sparsely attended. The legendary First Ave. in Minneapolis was Friday, the sold-out Vic Theater in Chicago on Saturday, and The Vogue in Indianapolis on Sunday.  
 
This brings us to today, our day off in Cleveland, OH. The curtain on my bunk fell off again this morning; Larry said he’d fix it for me at some point during his bus cleaning. I went for a run when I got up, then Carter and I went to get coffee and free internet. We were 1 for 2…I’m now sitting in our hotel room, passively watching ‘Dogma,’ doing e-mail, and writing to you. Buford’s on the bed to my left, Terry’s in the chair to my right, and Barry’s over at the desk, about 1 o’clock, staring blankly at his computer screen, missing his PC, wishing for its magical return. “I just miss my right-click, man.” I hear ya man, I hear ya…Jordan, Cliffy and Carter are elsewhere, possibly on the bus. Jordan’s birthday was yesterday, so we’re going to a movie tonight to celebrate. He wants to see ‘Constantine,’ though I don’t think I can stomach another bad Keanu Reeves movie. ‘Point Break’ anyone? Hell yea, brah.  
 
 
Some setlists thus far:  
 
Beaumont Club - Kansas City 
 
ONE PRAIRE 
WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING? 
CHANGELESS 
BOXER 
BRONY AUR STOMP 
RAISE THE ROOF 
TROUBLES 
LIFE LESS ORDINARY 
 
Rococo Theater - Lincoln, NE 
 
TORN 
LIFE LESS ORDINARY 
ONE PRAIRIE OUTPOST 
WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING? 
RAISE THE ROOF 
BOXER 
BRONY AUR STOMP 
TROUBLES 
 
High Noon Saloon – Madison, WI 
 
TORN 
LIFE LESS ORDINARY 
ONE PRAIRIE  
ANY GIVEN DAY 
WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING? 
GREY SKY EYES 
DESPERATION SONG 
BOXER 
PALOMA 
CHANGELESS 
RAISE THE ROOF 
BRONY AUR STOMP 
 
TROUBLES 
COUNTRY ROADS  
 
Pageant - St. Louis 
 
WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING? 
ONE PRAIRIE OUTPOST 
LIFE LESS ORDINARY 
BOXER 
PALOMA 
RAISE THE ROOF 
BRONY AUR STOMP 
TROUBLES